its been years since ive updated this blog. im doing it cuz i know not many people use blogger anymore and i just had to type this all out cuz i feel like it will make me feel a little better.
i hate that i cant talk to you. i hate you for saying what you said to me. i hate how you treated me and i hate how you lead me on for years. i hate how i wanna talk to you so badly but i cant do it. why? cuz i dont feel like i have the right to. i feel so embarrassed. i miss so much and youre constantly in my dreams and i cant do anything about it. im sitting here and i see your post i wanna comment on it so badly but i cant cuz you said you didnt wanna talk to me anymore. i dont feel happy. im happy that im not where i was but im not happy about how things worked out. the way i pictured it out was not like this. why why must it be this way? i wanna tell you so badly how much i miss you and how much i wanna talk to you and tell you my experiences but no you dont wanna talk to me becuz you simply dont fuckin care anymore. i wanna see you and tell you how great it is here and how terrible i miss being at home sometimes but i cant tell you. i cant tell people how much i really feel and why? they know how much of a douchebag you are and they dont want me to talk to you at all but i cant help myself for wanting to talk to you. its so goddamn difficult. i wanna see you and i just want you to be there. but i dont have the guts to do it. im too scared to know how much you really pushed me away and how much i really mean to you, nothing. I DONT FUCKIN UNDERSTAND I REALLY DONT. why does it have to be like this. why cant i just be fuckin happy. WHY. WHY WHY WHY. why is it always temporary. so now im going to get back to my homework and eventually after i am done with my next assignment i will have the urge to text you again and this whole thought process will run through my mind again.
Welcome Back
10 years ago
