i was on the phone with him last night as usual and idk i guess i pushed him away for so long, cuz he did the same to me, that it felt so good to finally be able to open up to him once again.
it was the first time in a long time that i actually broke down. & my life is like running that last 400 meter. im running out of oxygen and i have no more energy to keep running but i push myself to get to the finish line although the finish line doesnt seem to get any closer and all i wanna do is give up and start walking. my life is so complicated but isnt everyone else's? i always keep it to myself and put on a mask to let everyone know that sure im ok dont worry about me. i dont want others to worry about me like when i worry about them. its just something i dont want happening. hes right i should just take off my mask for one day and let everyone know how im really feeling. but whats the use? i HONESTLY dont think anyone cares. and there is no way anyone can help. saying "oo things will get better" NO IT WILL NOT. and "patience" DOESNT WORK EITHER. PRAYING DOESNT WORK. NOTHING WORKS. ive tried it all. all those 11:11 wishes, praying at night, and waiting for things to get better has yet to come. i feel like if i were to wait any longer i will die. im on the verge of dying. it kills me a little bit everyday. it sounds a bet emo. but its just what im feeling. im always in a bad mood and i try my best not to take it out on others. life sucks and thats the end.
Welcome Back
10 years ago
1 comment:
alright i didnt wanna be the one to have to do this, but youre killling me. youve been so out of it for who knows how long. but its time for you to get up. youre stuck under water, but now you have to breathe. you can only last so long. if you want things to change, you have to MAKE that change. you know youre BSing yourself when you say no one cares because i know damn sure that i do. the reason why all those things arent working is cus youre STUCK. you dont know what to do. you know what i think you should do? stop letting ANDREW and everything that happened BRING YOU DOWN. i know you wont admit thats the main reason for all your hardship, but thats where it all started. theres no excuse for that kind of behavior, because its done with. its the past. life goes on. change jacky, thats all it is. and i KNOW youre strong enough for it. and i dont care what you say, THINGS WILL GET BETTER. stop being such a pessimist and open your eyes, your life wont wait for you much longer. youre ALIVE, be happy ! you have so much to be happy for and grateful for; alll that negative shit, it HAS TO GO. its bothering me so much not to see you happy, cus i KNOW ITS THERE. you just have to help bring it back out. & im sorry if this comes out harsh, but i dont see any other way to do this. i love you and thats why i give a fuck.
Post a Comment