i just want you and no one else

well i thought today would be better. so far ive got no plans. idk w/e. i guess i have no choice but to work on my project. everyone seems busy but me. its quite sad but its ok i suppose. chinese new year will be good i know fersure. cuz imma get MONEY <3. so idk maybe something will come up today? lets just hope. cuz i dont wanna sit here doing nothing while everyone else is doing something. thanksgiving sucked. christmas sucked. i hope new years will be better.

well done

soo for the past few days ive been on the phone late at night with adam cuz we got nothing better to do. we talk until my phone dies soo about 3 or 4 hrs depending if i wanna charge it or not. today krystal came over and she finally got her permit. dang. after 4 freakin tries. but she finally got it (: um we went to the mall today and just looked around. i had a headache. blah but we did find this store that has pretty good cheap stuff. (: idk today was chill. yesterday angela came over and we walked all the way to lollicup cuz my mom didnt lemme take the car. and we saw ronnny im pretty sure thats his name. well idk i havent seen him for years. haha then we walked back and went to bianca's house to get the tamales she saved for me. we chilled there for a bit and just watched her dogs play outside her backyard it was pretty entertaining actually. well yeah. i feel accomplished. i actually started on my project that is due on monday. hah. bloop. new years is coming up and im ready. cue this saturday. and yep.

haah

im soo tired & grumpy. thats not gooood. i was on the phone till 4 last night talking about like nothing. it was all random. 8 hrs of sleep isnt enough for me :[ im tired. & i was in a bad mood. my parents were annoying meee soo badly. i went to the disney store to get my little cuzin's gift. yes i get gifts for people after christmas. meh. im so glad andrew called me. he made me feel better. & now im stuck here at home doing nothing. waiting for dinner. cuz im kinda hungry. blah lame. i hope andrew calls tonight. cuz tu is in utah. & adam is at a family party. and krystal sleeps early.

merry christmas?

well christmas wasnt the best. for me it gets worse every year. its kinda hard when you dont talk to your family anymore. idk things are difficult. um. i didnt do much today or yesterday. just basically stayed home. my parents were gone so me and my brother were home alone watching lucky. we played rock band. made cookies. and yeeah. yesterday andrew came home and we talked for half an hr thats it we havent talked since. i kept getting annoying texts from random people idk saying merry christmas last night. idk. lamee. i cant wait for new years though. i hope its better.

ok today i went to krystal's. i really didnt wanna stay home. idk my dad is home and we're alright i guess. but my parents argue and its annoying. last night i was on the phone with tu le till like 4 in the morning. we fell asleep on the phone until she pressed a stupid button that woke me up so i hung up. for the past 2 or 3 nights. we were on the phone until we knock out. i mean its kinda nice to have someone to talk to i guess. since andrew is at retreat and adam is on the phone with liana. i just talk to tu on the phone. chris fang is effin bipolar i swear. idk what his problem is. stupid conceited jerk. but yeah we were suppose to hang out with him today but no show. stupid idiot. but yeah. tomrorow andrew is coming home. & its always christmas eve. it doesnt feel like it. hm. seems like everyone is broke nowadays. i cant afford to get the presents i wanna get people. so i guess imma try my best to make it up to them. hm. yep. & i gotta start on my project -_-

now what

i got money. outta nowhere. idk surprise surprise. yesterday andrew left to retreat. i dont think he was planning to call at all. but we did talk. i hate that fact that he lies over the stupidest things just so he doesnt needa talk to me. blahhhh. i think i did something but idk what that is. and its making me mad. i went to krystal's house yesterday cuz i had nothing better to do. we watched i am legend and played speed & california speed, double speed, or w/e people call it. and we ate egg rolls and dumplings. haha it was pretty chill. today i didnt do anything. i went to pay bills with my mom and went to walmart and target. bought some stuff and came home. talked to angela and it was nice. its nice to know that shes happy. well happier than she was before. ups and downs thats how it is. um. idk what im doing tomorrow. but yeah 2 more days & he comes back.

why

i should be happy that there isnt school. but im not. yesterday was quite nice. originallly it was suppose to be me krystal andrew and adam. but since krystal went to the mountains and andrew had a church thingy. me and adam went to go watch seven pounds ourselves. its sucha good movie but sad at the same time. it gets you thinking. then me and adam went to the shoppes and he bought some shirts from american eagle. we just walked around till we got hungry. we saw russel, carolyn and ricky. but yeah it was w/e. then we went to johnny rockets. we sat there for sucha long time until they finally came over and gave us food. so we ate and after we ate. we sat there thinking what we can since we didnt wanna go home yet. then outta nowhere bianca texts me and asks me to go ice skating. yeep i was super happy and so we called up kayleen and see if she wanted to go. she did so i told my mom to come pick me and adam up. then bianca came and took us to the ice skating rink. the thing is every time i go there it brings back so much memories and it makes me sad. even when im having fun with my friends he always comes to mind. he was suppose to call yesterday but he never did. i didnt understand why. he wouldnt respond to my text or my calls. so what now? hard to get? ugh. & then today hes going to retreat around 1ish and coming back on wednesday. this is gonna be horrible. everyone is gonna be gone. and im stuck here doing nothing. with no money. of course imma miss him cuz if said i didnt that would be sucha lie. idk everything is very frustrating. then last night i called krystal and she was crying. i dont understand why people keep bringing up this situation. i mean me and krystal dont even talk about it anymore. but they keep bringing it up. idk. i guess influences krystal to stand up for herself is sucha bad thing nowadays. idk. im just sick of hearing it. im sick of everything. im still waiting for something new. and that hasnt happened yet.

i just want you for christmas

doesnt seem like junior year is as great as everyone says it is. everyone is having trouble in some way and not satisfied with whats going on. this rain is making me feel more depressed than ever i dont like it. i want the sun to come back out. today's weather wasnt that bad. i just really miss how things were so easy. i know i complain too much but idk im really not satisfied with anything right now. my grades. my life. him. friends. things are cooling down right now. im not as stressed and annoyed as i use to be. i dont think anyone really understands. some try to pretend that they do care even though they dont and they expect me to open up. i dont open up so easily especially cuz everyone is sick of hearing it from me. so i stopped. i hate crying. i just hate how things are. i just wish that he would understand and change my life around now. but the chances of that happening are not likely. i guess i have too much time on my hands. i needa go out. i need money. i need my license. ahh. idk seems like everyone is busy nowadays. hes going to retreat on sunday. krystal is going to vegas. so is adam. blahh. idk i just really HATE how things are. i just want everything to get better.

harry potter harry potter

so breakfast santa sucked. if i went earlier i wouldve been able to sit next to julian. and when i did go andrew was already gone -_-. but its ok i guess since bianca, tu, and adam were there to talk to. yuong went but he didnt talk to me so w/e. krystal didnt go. she went to go watch a movie with her mom and her brother. thennn after breakfast with santa. i went shopping for kayleen's and krystal's gift. and my brother's tie for his stupid band concert on monday night. i was watching knocked up while krystal was taking her sweet time coming. but im still not done with the movie. it stopped me idk why ahha but its pretty funny. krystal finally came and i gave her my present. and of course she gave me one of those funny hugs she gives. hahah then we went to kayleen's. we got there when adam got there so we just went in and saw 2 people that i didnt wanna see. but w/e then people started to come and we ate. took pictures. played ping pong. sat around a fire. made smores. sang. played the guitar. played the piano. played a little bit of basketball. played guitar hero and ddr. haha funn stuff.

heartlesss

well i havent updating for a while. umm the whole school week was horrible. nothing good happened. i failed my ap bio exam. well i got a C+ :[ good thing is im practically done with my nsh and csf hours so i wouldnt needa worry about them over break. thursday night i went to the band concert. and i saw irvin with leslie and their sibblings. i was surprised why would irvin be at a band concert? i forgot that crystal was in orchestra. thenn i stayed pretty late. cuz i gave adam and andrew a ride home. and yeah andrew took forever! then yesterday there was a rally. it was alright. its pretty sad that we always lose. :[ but w/e um.. then last night i went to the football game. omg it took us forever to get in. krystal helped us get our ticket by cutting with paige. haha. then we got golden spoon. we drove through this mental place. kayleen was all scared ahhahah. and then me and victoria scared kayleen more by saying that there was a man walking around. but nope no one was there. hahah idk funny stuff. its though kinda things where you gotta be there to get it. so in a little bit imma be going to breakfast with santa & later on tonight kayleen's party. this weekend is gonna go by too quickly. er.

happy saturday

today i got a text from mara saying she was in town and yeep i got to see her today. we met up at the shoppes and just chilled. it was tight. haha we were making fun of those band weenies playing jingle bells or w/e yep. then mara left and me and krystal ate at johnny rockets. it was funny cuz we were just eating and idk i was just being dumb and krystal almost choked on her food. the waiter guy kept coming by to see if we needed anything but we didnt. he came by with our check and then like 10 mins later he came by and we still havent put money yet and he asked if we were ready or w/e? idk and yeah when we finally did put money into it he only came to collect our plates and stuff so i was like uh.. ok sure. and FINALLY he came and picked up and like 5 mins later he came by and said oo i forgot to ask if you guys wanted that 4 cents back -_-. i was joking and said yes we do. but then i was like nahh. so we just sat there talking about how abusive our parents were. mainly our moms and then the people at johnny rockets were dancing haha and our waiter guy was the best one. haha. he came by again and i asked if we wanted any more soda or anything and we said no. and just when he came by i was like yeah krystal dont marry a white guy, a... and he was like oo yeah dont marry a white guy? and yeah he was white. hah.
then we went back to barnes and nobels and tried to look for a magazine with edward cullen posters but we didnt find the one we wanted. we walked all the way to borders and they had it but it was the scroll posters that was 20 bucks. krystal bought twilight and we left. we went to walmart and we didnt find anymore of it. and yeep lame.
we went to target and the stupid guy who worked there was like posters? yeah we normally have a lot of them when we have the back to school sale. me and krystal laughed and said noo like celebirties? and hes like oo no. ahah wow. what was he thinking? poster boards? then krystal bought another book. the new moon for about 9 bucks. pretty cheap man.
yep thats our day.
when i got home i carried her bags back into my room cuz im so nice and i was like wth krystal what do you have in here?
i opened it up it there were 2 water bottles -_-.
who does that seriously. ahah.

boo hoo

today was super cold. and im super tired. i stayed up late last night to make sure andrew finishes his essay. he tends to fall asleep when i dont keep him company. so im kinda grumpy.
i signed off on him and went to sleep. he was being a jerk last night so yeah. but he was just frustrated with the essay. im really tired. i shouldve napped but eh not in the mood really. i went to school and when i got off the car andrew got there and his mom waved at me and stopped the car and said hi to my mom. which was kinda weird cuz i didnt think she'd do that. in the morning i was freezing i was kinda mad at andrew so i didnt talk to him. then joal comes over and talks to andrew so i was like eh w/e. it didnt really seem like andrew was listening or wanted to talk to her but idk thats just my opinion. mr power is really boring in the morning. but im glad that we write notes cuz it keeps me awake. bio was alright. pre cal we didnt do much cuz graham was talking to david's mom about switching out to cp cuz hes failing. english. irvin wasnt there so i was texting him. we read. edit our papers. my paper is super lame and choppy. i really liked 5th period today cuz we just had a class discussion about the rules and stuff it was interesting and it killed time. then we played this game and of course we won. hah. 6th period we just made food. after school i finallly said hi to steven chan. and he was like oooo i always see you but didnt know it was you -_-. i guess i look really different on myspace ? idkk
i hugged andrew 20384902839048 times today cuz it was cold (: . it was nice.
im so glad the week is over.

really now?

after reading some of the older posts ive posted, ive realized that a lot things have changed. well my mood and the way i see things now. i really dont like how things are going but at the same time its getting better. my grades really suck though. i have 4 b's and 2 a's thats really badd. and i dont like it. soo now i needa study what i needa study and ace those tests so i can get a lot more a's. i really do miss sophomore year it was so much easier. i didnt needa study or anything and people werent so annoying. idk things have changed. people have changed but what can i do about it? hm nothing. everything is so lame. i needa sign up for SAT and study for it. i need to exercise. i need to get my license. i need to start studying for my tests. i need to start paying more attention. i need to finish up my homework. but most of all i need to stop stressing so much.
im starting to talk to irvin again. i kinda miss talking to him. even if we dont talk about anything and all of it is just random idk it just feels nice to talk to people i havent talked to for so long.
bah yesterday i went to the nhs and csf induction ceremony thingy. i came home after school. showered. ate. changed. pick up bianca. drove to the school. ate there. went to winco. took adam & bianca home. came home and didnt wanna do homework. so i called irvin talked for an hr. and then andrew called & talked for bout 20 mins. then called adam and talked for another hr. then talked to tu online. and finally knocked out. pretty lame.
everything is blah. i wish something new would happen. its kinda lame that every day is the same. there isnt much to look foward to. i miss how things use to be. aha i complain too often.