i just want you and no one else

well i thought today would be better. so far ive got no plans. idk w/e. i guess i have no choice but to work on my project. everyone seems busy but me. its quite sad but its ok i suppose. chinese new year will be good i know fersure. cuz imma get MONEY <3. so idk maybe something will come up today? lets just hope. cuz i dont wanna sit here doing nothing while everyone else is doing something. thanksgiving sucked. christmas sucked. i hope new years will be better.

well done

soo for the past few days ive been on the phone late at night with adam cuz we got nothing better to do. we talk until my phone dies soo about 3 or 4 hrs depending if i wanna charge it or not. today krystal came over and she finally got her permit. dang. after 4 freakin tries. but she finally got it (: um we went to the mall today and just looked around. i had a headache. blah but we did find this store that has pretty good cheap stuff. (: idk today was chill. yesterday angela came over and we walked all the way to lollicup cuz my mom didnt lemme take the car. and we saw ronnny im pretty sure thats his name. well idk i havent seen him for years. haha then we walked back and went to bianca's house to get the tamales she saved for me. we chilled there for a bit and just watched her dogs play outside her backyard it was pretty entertaining actually. well yeah. i feel accomplished. i actually started on my project that is due on monday. hah. bloop. new years is coming up and im ready. cue this saturday. and yep.

haah

im soo tired & grumpy. thats not gooood. i was on the phone till 4 last night talking about like nothing. it was all random. 8 hrs of sleep isnt enough for me :[ im tired. & i was in a bad mood. my parents were annoying meee soo badly. i went to the disney store to get my little cuzin's gift. yes i get gifts for people after christmas. meh. im so glad andrew called me. he made me feel better. & now im stuck here at home doing nothing. waiting for dinner. cuz im kinda hungry. blah lame. i hope andrew calls tonight. cuz tu is in utah. & adam is at a family party. and krystal sleeps early.

merry christmas?

well christmas wasnt the best. for me it gets worse every year. its kinda hard when you dont talk to your family anymore. idk things are difficult. um. i didnt do much today or yesterday. just basically stayed home. my parents were gone so me and my brother were home alone watching lucky. we played rock band. made cookies. and yeeah. yesterday andrew came home and we talked for half an hr thats it we havent talked since. i kept getting annoying texts from random people idk saying merry christmas last night. idk. lamee. i cant wait for new years though. i hope its better.

ok today i went to krystal's. i really didnt wanna stay home. idk my dad is home and we're alright i guess. but my parents argue and its annoying. last night i was on the phone with tu le till like 4 in the morning. we fell asleep on the phone until she pressed a stupid button that woke me up so i hung up. for the past 2 or 3 nights. we were on the phone until we knock out. i mean its kinda nice to have someone to talk to i guess. since andrew is at retreat and adam is on the phone with liana. i just talk to tu on the phone. chris fang is effin bipolar i swear. idk what his problem is. stupid conceited jerk. but yeah we were suppose to hang out with him today but no show. stupid idiot. but yeah. tomrorow andrew is coming home. & its always christmas eve. it doesnt feel like it. hm. seems like everyone is broke nowadays. i cant afford to get the presents i wanna get people. so i guess imma try my best to make it up to them. hm. yep. & i gotta start on my project -_-

now what

i got money. outta nowhere. idk surprise surprise. yesterday andrew left to retreat. i dont think he was planning to call at all. but we did talk. i hate that fact that he lies over the stupidest things just so he doesnt needa talk to me. blahhhh. i think i did something but idk what that is. and its making me mad. i went to krystal's house yesterday cuz i had nothing better to do. we watched i am legend and played speed & california speed, double speed, or w/e people call it. and we ate egg rolls and dumplings. haha it was pretty chill. today i didnt do anything. i went to pay bills with my mom and went to walmart and target. bought some stuff and came home. talked to angela and it was nice. its nice to know that shes happy. well happier than she was before. ups and downs thats how it is. um. idk what im doing tomorrow. but yeah 2 more days & he comes back.

why

i should be happy that there isnt school. but im not. yesterday was quite nice. originallly it was suppose to be me krystal andrew and adam. but since krystal went to the mountains and andrew had a church thingy. me and adam went to go watch seven pounds ourselves. its sucha good movie but sad at the same time. it gets you thinking. then me and adam went to the shoppes and he bought some shirts from american eagle. we just walked around till we got hungry. we saw russel, carolyn and ricky. but yeah it was w/e. then we went to johnny rockets. we sat there for sucha long time until they finally came over and gave us food. so we ate and after we ate. we sat there thinking what we can since we didnt wanna go home yet. then outta nowhere bianca texts me and asks me to go ice skating. yeep i was super happy and so we called up kayleen and see if she wanted to go. she did so i told my mom to come pick me and adam up. then bianca came and took us to the ice skating rink. the thing is every time i go there it brings back so much memories and it makes me sad. even when im having fun with my friends he always comes to mind. he was suppose to call yesterday but he never did. i didnt understand why. he wouldnt respond to my text or my calls. so what now? hard to get? ugh. & then today hes going to retreat around 1ish and coming back on wednesday. this is gonna be horrible. everyone is gonna be gone. and im stuck here doing nothing. with no money. of course imma miss him cuz if said i didnt that would be sucha lie. idk everything is very frustrating. then last night i called krystal and she was crying. i dont understand why people keep bringing up this situation. i mean me and krystal dont even talk about it anymore. but they keep bringing it up. idk. i guess influences krystal to stand up for herself is sucha bad thing nowadays. idk. im just sick of hearing it. im sick of everything. im still waiting for something new. and that hasnt happened yet.

i just want you for christmas

doesnt seem like junior year is as great as everyone says it is. everyone is having trouble in some way and not satisfied with whats going on. this rain is making me feel more depressed than ever i dont like it. i want the sun to come back out. today's weather wasnt that bad. i just really miss how things were so easy. i know i complain too much but idk im really not satisfied with anything right now. my grades. my life. him. friends. things are cooling down right now. im not as stressed and annoyed as i use to be. i dont think anyone really understands. some try to pretend that they do care even though they dont and they expect me to open up. i dont open up so easily especially cuz everyone is sick of hearing it from me. so i stopped. i hate crying. i just hate how things are. i just wish that he would understand and change my life around now. but the chances of that happening are not likely. i guess i have too much time on my hands. i needa go out. i need money. i need my license. ahh. idk seems like everyone is busy nowadays. hes going to retreat on sunday. krystal is going to vegas. so is adam. blahh. idk i just really HATE how things are. i just want everything to get better.

harry potter harry potter

so breakfast santa sucked. if i went earlier i wouldve been able to sit next to julian. and when i did go andrew was already gone -_-. but its ok i guess since bianca, tu, and adam were there to talk to. yuong went but he didnt talk to me so w/e. krystal didnt go. she went to go watch a movie with her mom and her brother. thennn after breakfast with santa. i went shopping for kayleen's and krystal's gift. and my brother's tie for his stupid band concert on monday night. i was watching knocked up while krystal was taking her sweet time coming. but im still not done with the movie. it stopped me idk why ahha but its pretty funny. krystal finally came and i gave her my present. and of course she gave me one of those funny hugs she gives. hahah then we went to kayleen's. we got there when adam got there so we just went in and saw 2 people that i didnt wanna see. but w/e then people started to come and we ate. took pictures. played ping pong. sat around a fire. made smores. sang. played the guitar. played the piano. played a little bit of basketball. played guitar hero and ddr. haha funn stuff.

heartlesss

well i havent updating for a while. umm the whole school week was horrible. nothing good happened. i failed my ap bio exam. well i got a C+ :[ good thing is im practically done with my nsh and csf hours so i wouldnt needa worry about them over break. thursday night i went to the band concert. and i saw irvin with leslie and their sibblings. i was surprised why would irvin be at a band concert? i forgot that crystal was in orchestra. thenn i stayed pretty late. cuz i gave adam and andrew a ride home. and yeah andrew took forever! then yesterday there was a rally. it was alright. its pretty sad that we always lose. :[ but w/e um.. then last night i went to the football game. omg it took us forever to get in. krystal helped us get our ticket by cutting with paige. haha. then we got golden spoon. we drove through this mental place. kayleen was all scared ahhahah. and then me and victoria scared kayleen more by saying that there was a man walking around. but nope no one was there. hahah idk funny stuff. its though kinda things where you gotta be there to get it. so in a little bit imma be going to breakfast with santa & later on tonight kayleen's party. this weekend is gonna go by too quickly. er.

happy saturday

today i got a text from mara saying she was in town and yeep i got to see her today. we met up at the shoppes and just chilled. it was tight. haha we were making fun of those band weenies playing jingle bells or w/e yep. then mara left and me and krystal ate at johnny rockets. it was funny cuz we were just eating and idk i was just being dumb and krystal almost choked on her food. the waiter guy kept coming by to see if we needed anything but we didnt. he came by with our check and then like 10 mins later he came by and we still havent put money yet and he asked if we were ready or w/e? idk and yeah when we finally did put money into it he only came to collect our plates and stuff so i was like uh.. ok sure. and FINALLY he came and picked up and like 5 mins later he came by and said oo i forgot to ask if you guys wanted that 4 cents back -_-. i was joking and said yes we do. but then i was like nahh. so we just sat there talking about how abusive our parents were. mainly our moms and then the people at johnny rockets were dancing haha and our waiter guy was the best one. haha. he came by again and i asked if we wanted any more soda or anything and we said no. and just when he came by i was like yeah krystal dont marry a white guy, a... and he was like oo yeah dont marry a white guy? and yeah he was white. hah.
then we went back to barnes and nobels and tried to look for a magazine with edward cullen posters but we didnt find the one we wanted. we walked all the way to borders and they had it but it was the scroll posters that was 20 bucks. krystal bought twilight and we left. we went to walmart and we didnt find anymore of it. and yeep lame.
we went to target and the stupid guy who worked there was like posters? yeah we normally have a lot of them when we have the back to school sale. me and krystal laughed and said noo like celebirties? and hes like oo no. ahah wow. what was he thinking? poster boards? then krystal bought another book. the new moon for about 9 bucks. pretty cheap man.
yep thats our day.
when i got home i carried her bags back into my room cuz im so nice and i was like wth krystal what do you have in here?
i opened it up it there were 2 water bottles -_-.
who does that seriously. ahah.

boo hoo

today was super cold. and im super tired. i stayed up late last night to make sure andrew finishes his essay. he tends to fall asleep when i dont keep him company. so im kinda grumpy.
i signed off on him and went to sleep. he was being a jerk last night so yeah. but he was just frustrated with the essay. im really tired. i shouldve napped but eh not in the mood really. i went to school and when i got off the car andrew got there and his mom waved at me and stopped the car and said hi to my mom. which was kinda weird cuz i didnt think she'd do that. in the morning i was freezing i was kinda mad at andrew so i didnt talk to him. then joal comes over and talks to andrew so i was like eh w/e. it didnt really seem like andrew was listening or wanted to talk to her but idk thats just my opinion. mr power is really boring in the morning. but im glad that we write notes cuz it keeps me awake. bio was alright. pre cal we didnt do much cuz graham was talking to david's mom about switching out to cp cuz hes failing. english. irvin wasnt there so i was texting him. we read. edit our papers. my paper is super lame and choppy. i really liked 5th period today cuz we just had a class discussion about the rules and stuff it was interesting and it killed time. then we played this game and of course we won. hah. 6th period we just made food. after school i finallly said hi to steven chan. and he was like oooo i always see you but didnt know it was you -_-. i guess i look really different on myspace ? idkk
i hugged andrew 20384902839048 times today cuz it was cold (: . it was nice.
im so glad the week is over.

really now?

after reading some of the older posts ive posted, ive realized that a lot things have changed. well my mood and the way i see things now. i really dont like how things are going but at the same time its getting better. my grades really suck though. i have 4 b's and 2 a's thats really badd. and i dont like it. soo now i needa study what i needa study and ace those tests so i can get a lot more a's. i really do miss sophomore year it was so much easier. i didnt needa study or anything and people werent so annoying. idk things have changed. people have changed but what can i do about it? hm nothing. everything is so lame. i needa sign up for SAT and study for it. i need to exercise. i need to get my license. i need to start studying for my tests. i need to start paying more attention. i need to finish up my homework. but most of all i need to stop stressing so much.
im starting to talk to irvin again. i kinda miss talking to him. even if we dont talk about anything and all of it is just random idk it just feels nice to talk to people i havent talked to for so long.
bah yesterday i went to the nhs and csf induction ceremony thingy. i came home after school. showered. ate. changed. pick up bianca. drove to the school. ate there. went to winco. took adam & bianca home. came home and didnt wanna do homework. so i called irvin talked for an hr. and then andrew called & talked for bout 20 mins. then called adam and talked for another hr. then talked to tu online. and finally knocked out. pretty lame.
everything is blah. i wish something new would happen. its kinda lame that every day is the same. there isnt much to look foward to. i miss how things use to be. aha i complain too often.

my goodness hes hott

today me and krystal went to la puente and saw twilight. omg hes so hottt. but other than that the movie was good too. dang. i wanna go watch it again.
we walked around for a bit and we got lazy and sat down and talked about how fun knotts was ahha. mm today was goood.
i like it a lot. edward is super hott. my goodness.
blah school tomorrow. i havent even started my essay. idk what to write about either. blah gonna procrastinate tomorrow. gotta go to the nhs and csf thingy. blah. lame
hm. thats about it.
wooop good day.

how do you put this on?

so today krystal came over and we went to 99 ranch and bought some food then we went to the shoppes. met up with andrew and we were looking at the world's record book. pretty crazy stuff. then we went to pac sun i got something we looked around aero and ummm went into hollister. & h&m and krystal was being dumb as usual and couldnt decide what she wanted. at the end she didnt get the jacket. thennn we walked to target. got starbucks then we wanted some animal style fries at in n out cuz krystal never had it before -_- but we ended up just going to tillys and i wanted a seat belt belt. i looked at the wallets pretty small so now i gotta go hunting for one again. we went to anchor blue and looked around. yep thats about it. pretty lame but it was fun. im tired. and im dying in pain.

i peed in there!

well all this weeek hasnt been great. i basically failed 2 tests. but i did good on my presentation for spanish :] and im pretty sure i did ok on the history test? idk hopefully i kinda need it. well as for pre cal i had a b+ and now it probably went down cuz of the stupid test i took today. er so hard. i hate pre cal. its been so stressing and stuff. er. but im so glad that i finally have a week off!
this morning i took kayleen and her bro to school. kayleen said my driving was good. but not to my mom. she was scared. ahahah. then we got to the bridge. and andrew was right behind us. and i looked into the rear view mirror and saw him he had like a huge smile on his face :]
ahahah what a weenieeee.
then after school i went to the ortho and omg it took forever. i was like the last one and i was also the fastest. they just took a look changed my colors and i left. traffic was horrible and i barely got home in time to go to the play with victoria, adam & bianca. the play was pretty good. i thought it was gonna suck but i was surprised about millie and that other chick in my chem class last year. like they had a different side and i was shocked to see it. then we went out to carls jr and ate. ahha it was funny. we were so loud and the people working there just looked at us like wtf. then we didnt know where else to go but we didnt wanna go home so we went to the shoppes parking lot and sat there trying to decide where to go. but then we just went into barnes and nobels cuz victoria had to pee and we got in there and we passed by the hand motion paper thingy and it came out and it scared all of us. ahahha then afterwards we just played with it.
we came outta the bathroom and adam was done and wanted for us. i turned the corner and he was like hey and i screamed. ahahha it was so random. but yeeeah. pretty good way to end the week. :]
im ready for thanksgiving. wooot.

omfg

i swear every little thing is annoying me so badly. everyone is annoying me so badly over little things they do and i cant take it. im so annoyed and stressed out all at the same fuckin time. and i dont complain to anyone cuz im sure people are tired of hearing it. im tired of saying the same thing over and over. idk. its like some people continues to talk forever and ever. and never shuts up! wtf. and then others cant take hints. i wanna take a break from you but you dont understand and you just make it worse. i hate the fact that people brag so much about something little. bragging itself pisses me off. i hate it when people brag just cuz they got a little accomplishment. no im not putting you down or anything but you dont need to continue rubbing it in my face for like 5 whole mins. geeez. fuck man i swear people either dont listen or cant take hints.
i havent gotten enough sleep all week soo im super grumpy. im ready for the break now. a break from school.
w/e im tired of this.

its been a while

its been a while since ive updated. well nothing really new except im hella sleepy. i was stressing so much this past weekend cuz i had to do 2 essays. the crucible was nothing but the jungle ugh. i stayed up till like 1 30 on sunday helping andrew with his essay and looking up quotes for him and during that time tu asked me to send her my essay for the crucible. i did and she told me that bianca had the exact same essay i did. i read it and omg i was pissed. i was like wtff omg. imma get caught. i still think i am but ugh. i cant believe she would do that. i mean if youre gonna copy at least be smart about it and not leave it the same. even if you add some extra words its still obvious that its the same paragraph. she took 3 outta 5 paragraphs from me. oo man i was pissed. and then my jungle essay is a piece of crap. its the worst essay ive ever written. but whatever its the end.
monday i went to adam's house and we were suppose to work on our spanish project which is due on thursday including the skit that i havent started on for english. er so much freakin projects. and today i just failed my spanish test. i keep forgetting which im suppose to do the stem changing on. er. i hate how there are so many tense in spanish with different conjucations that we must remember. but w/e i got it down.
and today im super tired. i hate my first period. i always yawn in there and he sees me tooo. blah.
i havent learned a thing in bio. imma fail my next test. afterschool i tutored krystal in spanish and went over the pre cal that i taught her on sunday. so now im down to 3 more h rs of tutoring and im done. im so tired of school. i cant wait till thanksgiving. maaaan. im reading to eat. im eating too much now. i think im gaining weight again. er.

omg bitch

adam came over today so we can do our spanish project we're not done but yeah
so i just took adam home right now and when i was on my way home this stupidass mexican bitch tried to change into my lane but like i was already next to her cuz this other bitch changed into my lane the last min so i was waiting for him to get outta my way and then this mexican bitch comes and tries to change into my lane and i was RIGHT NEXT TO HER ASS. she didnt even fuckin signal
bitchhh

homework is a drag

so i have a lot of hw this weekend and i havent really started. well my essay for the crucible is like half finished? sorta. i havent done my history at all. but i still probably tomorrow after i finish up my crucible essay tonight. idk cuz adam is coming over tomorrow i think for our spanish project.
today i went to kayleen's house
it was pretty chill. we watched kung fu panda and ate grapes. and i ate dinner at her house. it was super good :] my stomach was so big after i came home. i normally dont eat that much.
but yeah overall im good. except the hw part. er.

hm

it wouldve been one year and two months today. its nice to think back sorta.
well today i was so tired. i was on the phone with adam for over 3 hrs last night and i didnt charge my phone and my phone died today during school ugh it sucked. but its all good i got an A- on my ap bio test. woooot. im so happy now i have 3 a's and 3 b's its still bad but im on my way. woot. finally. idk i hope i still have an A in history. blahh
hm. im so tired i feel like knocking out early tonight. & i got a haircut. i look so weird. :[
i cant wait for my hair to grow back. i lost weight again. im 100 now. idk it doesnt seem like it cuz i look the same. but idk. its hard to believe. wth. im losing so much weight and i dont do anything anymore cuz im too lazy. i seriously didnt wanna wake up today for school but ughhhh. im tired & i want this week to be over. im ready for the weekend. nothing is good right now. i hope things get better.

"okay bye bye"

ahhaha well ive gotta say that today was pretty tight. first off andrew was being so stupid last night and he couldnt talk right cuz he was half asleep on the phone with me last night so idk it was funny to mee. but today i didnt do much. i tried to study for the SAT that didnt work out. i didnt study for bio either. ugh.
i went to a bbq with bianca and her sister for hassan's campaign today. it was pretty funny cuz bianca and i kept kinda teasing nancy of hassan. ahah and when hassan saw us of course he hugged nancy but then he hugged me and bianca which was awkward cuz i didnt expect it. so we ate and idk the carne asada was hard. and i couldnt cut it. haha then right before we left this guy who made a joke about "mexican express card" was talking about kung fu movies back in the day and how he was running away from some black guys and he hopped over a wall. haha idk it was so random cuz hassan was like hey you would never guess what jacky's last name is and yeah they started talking about bruce less and then jackie chan and yeeah. idk it was funny. and outta nowhere hassan hugged bianca cuz he thought we were leaving. well technically he was trying to make us leave. it was a nicer way i suppose. and when we were finally gonna leave he gave all 3 of us a hug and bianca was rubbing it in nancy's face bout the 3 hugs she got from hassan cuz she only recieved 2. ahahha funny stuff. yep. good day. sorta. haha

bad timing once again

well today i went to the shoppes with chloe and got pinkberry
and afterward we went to the spectrum and ate mexican food. it wasnt that great. but it was alright.
ive gotta say that me and andrew have really bad timing this year. like i was at the shoppes and right after i left he went. idk. things are just a bit off. but hopefully when our timing gets better hey who knows what can happen right?
i seriously needa study for bio which i kinda did already.
my mom finally fixed the car and now its soo much smoother to drive. mm chloe drove me home today. and yeah no comment. ahha
today was alright. i kinda wish things turned out differently though. cuz andrew was suppose to come over but didnt cuz he was "busy" and then mara was down in pomona but her dad was being mean and didnt wanna drop her off at pinkberry. and when i was gonna go pick her up at lowes she couldnt go cuz i was gonna go to chloe's house which i didnt end up going to. & then tomorrow imma go to the bbq for hassan's campeign thingy. ugh i really needa study. i kinda wish we just got monday off might as well. i dont wanna go to school on monday and then get off on tuesday.
oo and at the spectrum we were walking towards walmart and outta nowhere BAM TU WAS THERE WITH JENNETT. i was like wthh and then i was screaming across the street at tu and jennett was just there like doggin us i was like wth is her problem. calmate. idk you dont see that often. it was just very awkward.

daylight saving isnt saving me

dang im soo tired. ever since that daylight saving i havent gotten enough sleep. i feel more tired than usual. well obama won woot.
but i dont know why people still talk about it. i mean its over. mccain lost by a lot. theres nothing to argue about.
but overall ive gotta say things have gotten better. except ive been getting annoyed so easily lately.
ehhhh idk. its not the best but w/e im tired. and im ready for thankgiving break. i just wanna sleep.

call you tonight

i feel like a little kid again. every time i see him my heart beats fast and when i see him i smile a lot. idk i think im going crazy seriously. today was much better than last week. nothing much to look forward to but hey its much better than stress. i like this kinda weather it feels nice. every day seems so much longer now. idk to me it feels like it. i really miss sophomore year. like a lot. it was so much easier. no stress. no problems.
first period was so boring. i hate it. it seriously puts me to sleep. i hate history.
2nd period. bio notes. blah
3rd period. math. i hate pre cal i have hw too ughh.
4th period. watched the crucible.
5th period. spanish teacher wasnt here. i didnt get to take my test. ugh.
6th period. took forever.
after school i felt so stupid. freakin paden was calling me when i was walking with andrew to the front. and when he did i walked faster. and i just ignored him. then we got to the front and bianca and jade came and i told them the story and jade was like dude paden is right there. i was like aw shit. and they just all laughed at me. freakin andrew never told me. i threw my spanish book at him and now i feel bad. :[ blahhh. imh.

halloween

last night was alright. wasnt that bad. except i was soo ughh annoyed cuz chloe and krystal has been on my back about halloween since the beginning of the week and then jade just add on to it. blahh im so glad the week is over. seriously. im so tired. its finally november. i want thanksgiving break already.
im ready for a break and i think i deserve it. im so tired of school and people.
everyone is soo blahh lately.

its sour on the outside and sweet in the inside

today was blah. i didnt wanna wake up like normally. the only thing i really look forward to now its driving and seeing him. idk. halloween is tomorrow and wow chloe and krystal made sucha huge scene today after school in ms chiu's room. they kept talking about what we're doing tomorrow. it made my head hurt seriously.
first period was super boring. the only thing that kept me awake was writing a note to andrew.
2nd period i was working on my corrections for my test cuz he wanted the test back by the end of the period. i didnt pay attention to the lecture today.
3rd period. lame lame lame. sam came in with starbucks haha what a weenie.
4th period. we had a super hard time coming up with a halloween story.
lunch was lame. andrew wasnt there. he was taking his test for pre cal. i ate half of krystal's subway ahha. she needs to eat more. :[
5th period. i havent taken my spanish test yet and man. im too scared to check my grade. i did bad on my scrapbook blah.
6th period. we made pizza it was hella good
after school was eh. i gave to slices of pizza to andrew cuz he didnt eat lunch :]
tutored krystal for an hr about pre cal
hah
overall the day was ehh. not the best.

ouch

i swear every time i miss school for a day the next day i feel so lost. it sucks so bad.
i was soo tired. i was on the phone with andrew last night and yeah it was coooool. then afterwards i called adam and we talked for like an hr and a half about absolutly NOTHING. idk i was bored and he was bored. after the phone call i knocked out. im pretty tired. i almost fell asleep in first period but i didnt. 2nd period mr anderson wasnt there. soo i couldnt do anything since i didnt have my scantron. freakin tu and bianca are soo loud. all through out the period we just did nothing but laugh. well i didnt laugh that much mainly bianca and tu. idk then for the last 5 mins of class we were trying to do what yuong and antwon does with their pencils. haha its so hard! i cant do it :[ but its ok
3rd period. idk i was kinda lost but then i caught up. it was easy. it smells like rats still gross.
4th period we just took the benchmark.
5th period ms rodriguez was PISSED cuz we were being "rude" cuz we wouldnt shut up. and imma make up my test tomorrow.
6th period did nothing. ernie kept talking about weed. ahah it was funny.
after school this football player was just bending down to get his stuff and all of a sudden this white boy comes and kicks him and socks him in the face. and he ran right afterwards. the football player was like wtf and was wiping his lip cuz it was bleeding. all the football players came rushing to see what happened and wow that kid got some nerve to do that. yep thats it. more interesting than alll the other days thats fersure.
idk i was pretty happy today after school :] heehee

ughhh

today i didnt go to school. apparently i ate something wrong and i was allergic to it. i doubt it though. i didnt eat anything new. it was pretty badd. ughh i couldnt go to school but i slept all day since i didnt sleep last night. i called andrew and told him what happen soo people wouldnt need to ask me why i wasnt there. ugh im so tired. i feel like a drama queen every time i tell someone i passed out like 3 or 4 times. i literally did. i hit my head and now my head hurts. bad day.
last night i went with bianca and got 3 hrs of community service. it was nicee. that guy was cute (:
woot hassan for mayor! i missss andrewww. :[ i didnt see him all day and its weirdd. haha.

womanizer

yesterday andrew came over and it was better than i thought it would be. we didnt get anything done. but i did teach him something. haha :] he came over with jack in the box and bought me a jumbo jack and a taco? but i didnt eat. ahah hes so sweet. sometimes. hah. the test today was hella hard. ughh. but good news i still have an A in history. well an A- but w/e i never do anything in that class. im always spacing out. irvin was gonna buy me lunch today? idk he always leaves early and goes buy lunch and come back and he said on thursday hes gonna get me boba. even though boba is so bad for you :[
i like told russell dont drink boba its bad for you! and miss northrop and russell was like whattt? and i told them its something about the milk tea being bad from china. and russell is going to die but he said its so good he doesnt care. soo i was like oo alright then. we watched a little bit of the crucible. ahha funny stuff. idk i thought it was funny. i stole paden's paper and copied the answer. mwuahha. and dang i hardly talked during 5th period. i didnt talk to yuong cuz he was being mean soo i was like hah o well. adam idk whats wrong with him. hes like emo or something. hah jk (:
ummm we're making pizza this thursday woot. (: pineapple and ham <3
dang boba and pizza this thursday. imma get fat. i really needa work out again.
after school. idk whats wrong with jade. shes like pmsing or something. idk she doesnt like the fact that i call her a stalker even though she is. >.<
other than that today was pretty chill. better than usual actually. im tired. and yeah.
i hope everything gets better from here :] <3

bobacakes

ok well yesterday i went to chloe's house and we just chilled at this one party her neighbor/friend was having. soo we went and there was like no one there. then i heard that gwen was gonna be there [my cuzin] so we didnt talk much haha. and she said i owe her ice cream from like freakin 10 years ago. wow. cant believe she remembers that. ahha good times. i miss those days. so stayed there and we played capture the flag which took forever but we won at the end. freakin i dropped my phone in the process trying to chase this guy down which piss me off. cuz i couldnt even run in my sandels i was so scared of like tripping or something. and chloe introduced me to this cute guy name dominic idk if thats how you spell it but yeah. he was pretty cute ahah and he was all flirting with us. it was funny. but yeah. then we went to krystal's house cuz chloe bugged me for like 2 or 3 hrs to go and she freakin bruised me in the process. ughh and i was wearing shorts soo it was all obvious. i didnt notice until we got to the mall. well when we got to krystal's house we chilled for a bit and went to soup plantation and ate. i didnt eat much cuz i wasnt that hungry. ahha it was fun. then we went to the mall. and yeeeah. after that we went to cherry on top and got yogurt. THANKS TO CAROL FOR PAYING FOR EVERYTHING! then we went to krystal's house and we played hangman while chloe and carol were doing some sorta of dance thingy. ahaha it was soo ironic. she spelt my name without a 'n' at the end cuz she didnt have enough room and my nickname for chloe is bobacakes and my word was lollicup.
krystal lost. ahha then we played 2 vs 2 and me and chloe won again. cuz chloe came up with some impossible word. so we had to go and carol was rushing back to give me and chloe a ride home. dang. it sucked cuz the cops were there and i thought that she was gonna get in trouble. cuz first of all she was speeding and then she wasnt suppose to have passengers. THANKFULLY she looks older than her actual age. ahah. but overall it was fun i suppose. killed a lot of time and yeah. andrew is coming over today and we'll see how that goes.
i really need to study for ap bio. aghhh.

i need something different

this is probably by far the worst start of the school year. well for me its sorta in the beginning still. my grades still suck even though when the progress report came it wasnt as bad as i thought.
but worst of all NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT. i have nothing to look forward to everyday. its the same thing like almost everyday. wake up. get ready. drive to school. go to school. drive home from school. homework. aim. myspace. phone. shower. sleep. thats alll and its making me so sad to know that everything is so different. sophomore year was the best. i didnt need to stress over anything. i didnt care about anything. all i did was try my best to have the most fun i can possibly have. and i did. but this year is a pain in the butt. i gotta study for all these stupid tests cuz i never pay attention. i always daydream about things that probably arent gonna happen any time soon. life just sucks. i want everything to be like how it use to be last year. and tonight is homecoming and im not even going. cuz he never/didnt want to asked me. ugh. i just miss how things use to be. i seriously do. i miss him most of all but i cant do anything about it... people dont realize how much easier he made my life. i didnt realize it either until i finally lost him. i just hateee how things are right now. i need change. change for the better. and i need it soon. cuz im tired of waiting.

i like this car..

ok so today wasnt that greatest at first but at the end it was pretty great.
i had a rough start again in the beginning. first period was soo boring. so we 2nd and 3rd and 4th was ok 5th i was pmsing and i wanted chocolate but for once yuong didnt have candy. 6th period ugh what a drag.
those stupid hoes were complaining that they couldnt do anything cuz once they did i gave them a loook. ok i did so what? it shouldnt stop you for contributing to the group. thats just a lame excuse soo after 6th period i was kinda worried about andrew and his leg. it was sad cuz everyone was making fun of him cuz he couldnt walk right. cuz he was limping :[
so then i drove home. stopped by costco and went to my aunt's house and came home. waited for victoria to come pick us up to go to the homecoming game which sucked btw.
except this white lady omg. she was so funny ahahah she had the highest voice ever and she kept screaming ahhahah. we left the game early cuz we didnt wanna leave when everyone was leaving so we left and then we went to the shoppes. got pinkberry and sat in barnes and nobels for a while and we were looking at books. this one cupcake book was so good. ahha it made me want cupcakes. we left barnes a nobles and we sat outside taking pictures and these dumb guys were like BED TIME i was like wtf stfu. then we just continued taking pictures and after that we just sat there staring at the pretty lights again. haha
on our way to the car meghan kept saying how cute victoria's car was ahahah she was like getting horny cuz of the car. LMAO. omgg funny stuff.
good night.

like this or like that?

tomorrow is finally friday. its been a long week and im kinda glad in some way. our ap bio exam is postponed till monday. soo now i can procrastinate on sunday instead of tonight. today was pretty interesting. mainly cuz of miss northrop's class. hahah oo dang shes good. she asked us who cheated and that she only knows one person in our class that cheated on the scarlet letter cuz someone told her. and everyone started to freak out. she pointed to shawn and said that shawn cheated. shawn was like oo thats bs. outta everyone jenny is the one that cheats the most. and jenny's face was like omg. are you freakin kidding me? and once shawn said jenny's name oo dang everyone was like omg. thats so messed up. and jenny was kinda mad like wtf why would i cheat blah blah. and if they point you out you either have to accept the suspension or call someone out and said they cheated also. jenny said zi cheated zi said that sean cheated. and wow it was so dumb cuz they randomly just started point fingers at people. jacob was all scared cuz he did have the answers to it but he never gave it out. and i couldnt believe that miss northrop can pull it off. she looked very pissed/serious/sad/disappointed. idk i was surprised. i wasnt scared cuz i know i probably failed that stupid test anyways. hah.
then 5th period spanish was pretty funny. cuz it was me michelle and yuong and we were just talking about how guys who are taller are more prefered than guys who are shorter and he was just laughing at us. idk. he was gonna gimme a discount on candy. buy one and get one free but i already bought it from zippy. hah. spanish went by so quickly today. and adam idk whats wrong with him. haha he seems so sad but he said nothing is wrong.
6th period omg i was mad. those stupid hoes NEVER DO ANYTHING. its me and bianca that do all the preparations and stuff. and after are done that stupid fat ass takes all the food and we're left with NOTHING. stupid ughh. im freakin serious imma take all the muffins tomorrow and theyre only gonna get one each. shit they never did anything. stupid lazy ass seniors.

could be better

today was ok. pretty tired though and i had a headache.
i went to the black out rally. i was surprised who were the princes and princesses. and people actually boo'd them and stuff. thats so rude. and then when the band was playing that one thing no one was listening and they kept screaming 09' and 10' i was like wow. but overall it was ok. not the best. ahha after the rally was fun. me and jade were just standing outside and we found adam so we starting talking to him and i told him how annoyed i was of this freshman. ughh annoying ass kid. then idk it was so weird but funny. ahha andrew came and i told him the same story and he thinks im weird. me and jade hid his clarinet and he scared me. and then me and jade took his clarinet and music and ran to our cars and i was too slow and didnt lock my door quick enough but i didnt give the clarinet back until i was forced to leave. hahah funny stuff.
my head hurts. it hurts even more cuz freakin chloe tackled me after school! -_-
and i FINALLY paid my dues!

HAPPPPY BIRTHDAY MARA CHRIS TUCKER DOROUGH (: <3

i got this ice box where my heart use to be

this morning when i got to school everyone was copying each other's lab. hah. it was lame. then andrew finally came over and gave me my calculator and i was helping with his lab since he didnt even do it. i graphed my data cuz his data was wrong and he was copying my analysis questions. then
first period it was boring. we just took notes and he postponed the test for another day.
2nd period we turned in our lab and took notes. exam on friday. i gotta freakin study. agh. andrew is coming over on wednesday after rehearsal i think so we can study for ap bio and do our activities and self quiz.
3rd period is so lame. we did this notebook check and i just remembered we have homework. hah.
4th period. we had to write about whats going on with our lives right now and we debated on a few things. ahhah russell had to like poop or something but he couldnt lmao. and miss northrop just told him that he should go to the bathroom and go poop but he said its not that feeling. haha. he drank like 2 bobas. wow. then we talked about what a perfect wife was back in the day. the wives were like slaves to the husbands. it was ridiculous.
lunch. it was finally the food carnival but i didnt really wanna eat. the food wasnt all that good. andrew bought a grip load of food but didnt finish it. he lemme taste his fried rice and it taste so plain. gosh i can make better fried rice than that. and i cant cook.
5th period tj gave our whole class free pinkberry cuz he had so many leftover. hahah i was surprised ms rodriguez didnt really care. she was kinda pissed that the person who when down to go tell the people who werent on the list for that carnival thingy to come to class and they completely ignored that person so the person she sent came back and told her what happen and yeah. we played this tic tac toe game in spanish i won haha.
6th period was slowww. me and bianca finished our work so early and we sat there for a long time waiting for time to pass. and on my way to 6th period i saw neomi crying so i asked her what happened. she didnt tell me and walked away so i was like um ok.
then after school i waited in line for my black out rally ticket and then i have to wait till tomorrow to pay my club due. man my freakin csf due is 2 days late already. blah
well when i got to the front i asked neomi what happened and she told me she couldnt tell me so i was like umm alright.
so now im home doing nothing. probably gonna start my hw so i can get it over with. my aunts are coming over for dinner. hah. i went to bianca's house to drop off this egg thingy. idk what its called in english. its super good though. so i finally met her mom cuz her mom wants to know who i am since she was complaining how she didnt know who i was but yet she let bianca go to the movies with me and stuff. haha it was so awkward. but it was cool.
i needa study. blah

i dont understand

ok i went to take the psat today and it was pretty bad. i didnt do so well except the math part made me feel a lot better. then andrew's parents took me , andrew, and adam to hometown buffet. victoria met us there and we ate. it was fun. then krystal came and we went to the mall and watched quarantine. it sucked period. it wasnt scary. idk horrible ending. the people in there looks disgusting. then we went to barnes and nobles and got my crucible book for extra credit. i got home around 6 30 ish
and freakin my mom started yelling at me once i got inside the house saying that i always go out. WTF. idk im just mad. so i was like fine w/e i didnt eat dinner and just came upstairs and started on my lab. then she freakin drives off and goes to like 99 ranch without me. agh. w/e
idk it wasnt that great of a day. it couldve been so much better. victoria made me feel a little better when we were in the car when she dropped me off. i just wish that i can more of those conversations with my closer friends. blah. everything sucks. i just want my license like NOW.
i dont wanna do anything and just take a break. im so ready for thanksgiving break now. or even better winter break. i want this year to be over with. i want everything to go back to normal. but too bad it isnt that easy. idk so complicated. so much stress.

STRESSS ERR

ap bio is killing meeee. i gotta study my goodness for that stupid exam next friday! even though it may seem like a while well not really its gonna come up quick! i havent read at all. AGHH. fml.
im not ready. but yeah. idk my grades are VERY BAD. im still trying to get comfortable but its not really happening. and now i got a lab due monday and i barely did anything. my data table arent even filled out yeah. and spanish omg. I HATE MS MENDEZ FOR BEING SUCHA HORRIBLE TEACHER! im doing so bad in spanish 3 cuz idk where the accents goes.! i always misplace them. we had to present and i was so nervous. my voice was shaky and so was my hand HAH! dang. im sucha dork. but yeah. it was pretty bad. i hope i did good. SPECIAL THANKS TO KRYSTAL YANG FOR HELPING ME WITH THE DECORATIONS! :] but yeah today wasnt that bad. i STILL didnt pay my due for csf. now i gotta pay 3 more bucks. AGH i shouldve paid earlier but i kept forgetting and then everyone is paying for their stupid homecoming tickets.
psat tomorrow. i cant sleep in till sunday! agh. but its all worth it cuz imma go to the movies with andrew, adam, victoria & krystal [hopfully], and bianca woot. gonna FINALLY see eagle eye. me and andrew planned this for the longest time but it had to be postponed so many times.
and im sooo excited for monday. its gonna be soo dope. FINALLY GOOD FOOD! i actually something to look forward to now. besides the movies tomorrow.
and OMG. fuckin tu she like dug her nails into my wrist. and i was fucking bleeding. i dont even get a fucking sorrrry! STUPID JERK. she thinks its ok cuz i barely hit her stomach it wasnt her stomach it was her side! AGH. stupid aghh. so mad
i was gonna slap her but then thats the point she wont do anything but just hurt me more. stupid idiot.

what?

i seriously think im getting sick. & my back is killing me. i feel so old. ever since we came back from knotts my back looks like krystal's! ahah (;
danng man. i was so hungry cuz nhs took a while to sign in and when i finally signed in bianca, jade, and kayleen took a while. but then kayleen disappeared. idk where she went. hah. but it was pretty chill. we had a sub for first period and it was soo boring. even the sub was falling asleep.
soo today is the 16th. it feels like we've been school for sucha long time but then if you really look at it its only been like a little longer than a month. school is so stressful. dang freshmen & sophomore year was so freakin easy. i didnt needa study for anything and everything was so chill. and now i gotta study and stuff. gayy.
bio was much better today. we continued our lab but it went by quick. jade was being stupid. and i yelled at her at lunch cuz she threw carrots at me while i was trying to do something i forgot what. but yeah she noticed i got mad so she stopped i felt bad.
i think im actually starting to like spanish now. its fun and omg nina is very annoying but it was funny ahhaha. she kept laughing over the littlest thing and whats her name idk how to spell it so im not until i learn how to spell her name hahah. she was like very annoyed but she tried to play it off. it was very entertaining hahah.
then adam was very nice and bought me a twix from yuong cuz i was hungry. chocolate isnt the best thing to eat. but hey food is food. haha thank you adam (:
and then idk we were talking about hair. haha cuz yuong doesnt do his hair anymore so i told him that his hair looks soft. and so i touched it and i was surprised cuz it wasnt very soft. O_o i touched michelle's and yeah it was azn hair. ahha. we had a sub for that class also. mr h was our sub and he was doing something for chem idk. and brian was in charge. and he doesnt know me so he asked what my name was so i can get participation points and i told him its jacky chan and ahah his face was like what?! O_o ahahha. he kept calling me jen and jen got mad and was like i dont even look like her! ahah. in english irvin was being dumb and conceited and wont make me my quesadilla! >.< and idk he was like making up history and me and zippy were like wth we never heard of that before.
russell was falling asleep. again.
6th period i gotta say was the BEST. cuz we made food of course.! but im freakin serious that thing was so bomb. i was nice and i split it into 3. one for me, one for andrew, and one for adam. ahhah. im nice like that (:

yeah i know

i know that im acting immature about this issue but hey i never said i was mature. i can mature in some cases but yeah most of the time im not. hah. just wow i cant believe it. im not scary at all well maybe cuz i look pissed off all the time but still i wouldnt do anything.

well lets talk about schoool :[
first period was sooo boring. we watched a movie and took notes. i hate first period.
2nd. was boring too. jade wasnt there and we did a lab.
3rd was cold and it was easy. ahah i hate precal though
4th was cold also. it was hard we had to like idk what we were doing. ahha
5th period was fun. i was trying to do this pen thingy that yuong tried to teach me. it didnt work out so well.
6th period sucks it was so boring. and bianca hasnt gone to school for the longest time. but shes coming back tomorrow! yay (:

and yeahh i think im getting sick. not a good sign. :[
everyone around me are sick sorta. idk what happened to jade she like disappeared or something. idk
and um.. mara i wish i could go to your house on nov 1st for your bday but idk if i can. i shall try (:

krystal came over and shes helping me out with my project cuz shes way more creative than i am. yep. woot gonna make quesadillas tomorrow (: . im readyyy.

HAH OMG.

i cant believe she has the nerves to talk so much crap and yet shes scared of me at school.
i wasnt even gonna do anything today cuz yeah "im too immature becuz i like andrew so much"
AHAHHA funny stuff.
well w/e im not gonna do anything. SINCE YOUR ASS IS GONNA READ THIS ANYWAYS im just letting you know im not gonna do shit even if youre scared of me and still talking shit.
dont think i dont know cuz i know.

aww que cute ahahah (:

APPARENTLY SOME STALKERS ARE READING THIS.!

well just wanted to share a nice poem that someone special wrote to me (:


There is this beautiful girl that I think about night and day
She will always be in my heart, and forever stay.
See, it's whenever I see her smile that I'd be happy for the longest while
Or just by hearing her heart-warming voice, I'd wanna jump up and rejoice
But it's her overall beauty inside and out
That makes me love and trust her without a doubt
So the girl that I talk about, her name is Jacky
And she is the one who truly makes me happy.

wow unbelievable

shes so dumb. like she contradicts everything.
ok i had no problem with her until she said she hated me um ok. sure.
she says that her "junior friends" think im a hoe. ok how am i a hoe? i flirt with just ONE guy ahaha wow very slutty of me. and plus all the juniors she knows probably knows me and are in band. i dont have problems with any one of them.
ok im immature for liking andrew so much? and that i should get over him. yes i should get over him but its not that easy. i mean you should be the one that gets over him cuz i mean at least he still likes me at least a little bit and im going to work with it. and overall he is my best friend.
he doesnt even like you and youre just a little freshman. ok sure im a junior but so what ?
i mean why the fuck do you care what i think about anyways? i didnt do shit to you. youre always the one that is dogging me after school for no reason and i just laugh it off. just cuz youre a freshman doesnt mean you dont have a chance with him. me being a junior has nothing to do with it.
you barely even know andrew and youre so sprung over him ok. you dont know shit about him all you know is that hes korean, his name and that he plays a clarinet. dont say shit.
fuck i dont wanna deal with an idiotic freshman like you.
its only between me and andrew and nothing with you so i suggest you stfu. cuz all my friends think youre fucking hilarious anyways for being a retard.

okayyy

today after school was probably the most exciting thing that happened so far since school started.
everyone was crowding around to watch him ask her to homecoming! haha it was soo exciting. too bad some other jerk asked her already and now she cant decide who to go with.. :[
well imma talk to her tonight and see wsup.
ok soo FRESHMAN is like super scared of me LMAO. im not scary am i? of course not. but she was being hella annoying. she wouldnt stfu so i was like omg andrew tell her to stfu
i guess she heard me. and andrew was like SHHH. :] i love him. hes great.
well nothing interesting happened. i was super tired and every class was boring. i had like 2 differnet subs. who knows how many i'll have tomorrow.
once again.. idk what my homework is. i never know. i think i should get an agenda. my goodness.
psat & movies this week. woot (:
dang i didnt go to the club meeting. i hope he isnt mad and kick me out :[

time to vent.

omg. you idiotic freshman cant you fuckin see that he doesnt like you!
but yet youre soo hard headed to admit that!
omgg. you wonder why 5 fuckin guys like you? cuz youre a hoe! for flirting with some many stupid freshmen.
ugh. im just mad. why cant you see that?
you hate me cuz i flirt with a guy you dont even have a chance with? uh okay. i dont wanna deal with stupid freshmen like youu.
stupid ugly bitch. ugh. blahh. idk
you dont have a chance and thats final. hes only playing stupid and pretending he doesnt know your ass likes him. even though you make it soo obvious. well w/e


ok update!
ive decided that imma just wait cuz i know its going to take time. as long as i know he still likes me at least a little bit then its ok. im going to do it. and yeah screw that ugly bitch. she has no match. shes outta my league! HAHAHA. bitch.

woot

went to knotts scary farm last night. it was fun even though it went from 16 people going to 4 -_-
but it was fun. we went into about idk how many mazes but im guessing like 5 or 6. and 2 rides. 3 for me and krystal. chloe was freakin out the whole time when we went on that train ride that went like 10 mph. ahah it was fun though. both krystal and chloe held onto my hand soo tight. i was like dannng. calm down. and eww my hand started to sweat. not so good. irvin didnt end up going. but i didnt really mind. it wouldve been more fun if more people went but eh o well.
the mazes werent that bad. even though everyone said that quarantine was super scary haha we were gonna go in it but we chickened out at the end cuz dang everyone's face when they came out. haha.
krystal got super scared when the clowns with chainsaws came by us. she started to run. luckily they didnt see her run or else they'll chase her. ahah. super fun. except im like super tired & i think i lost my voice. even though i didnt scream that much. i jumped a couple times and like flinched. but i didnt scream that much. i dont think? compared to krystal hhah. yeeah.

yesterday we had a rally also.
they got mad at all the juniors cuz someone had silly string. and said that if we do that again we cant go to the rallys. -_-
stupidd. well yeah. the cheesecake was super bomb. even though we recieved a low score on it. haha. o well.

agh.

school is so boring and tiring. i hate it.
stupid homework & everything else. blah.
today i was ok.
first period. we took a survey. im still behind in my notes i keep forgetting to ask andrew or jade for the notes.
2nd period. hm. i actually had food. granola bar & gummy worms. haha nothing interesting just notes. haha except today anderson made that one thingy idk what its called. its those little thingys where you pick a color then a number and another number and then another number and you get your fortune. haha bianca screamed out "ooo tell me my fortune!" and hes like " youre gonna be ugly for the rest of your life" LMAO. wow i cant believe he said that. jerrrrk.
3rd period. ummm it was lame. im all caught up in that. ummmm... i actually had time to read for english. hah. i never read it.
4th period. took my quiz. and um.. we had to come up with a skit and whoever she calls on must perform it to the class. luckily we didnt get called on cuz we didnt have anything. HAH. and the guy paten however you spell it. he always winks at me when he talks to me. AWKWARD.
5th period. spanish was fun. pretty intense. hahah we were playing these games and dang i was so close to winning. HAHAH we got a tie but i lost cuz i let her win ahahah. yeeeah riiiight.
6th period. we made cheesecakes! woot. our first one didnt look so good. it was pretty bad actually. freakin everyone else like ribbit's group was all up on us telling us to hurry up and blend the stuff. CALM DOWN. geez. and then me and bianca we made one just for us. and those stupid alksdjfklasdjf didnt do anything. stupid fatasses. seriously! they NEVER do anything. its always us that cleans up and shit. they never do anything and its making me mad. today asked her to help us clean cuz me and bianca were busy making the other cheesecake we wanted and she hesistated. and i was like wth. its part of your responsibility to help us clean/cook/bake. she was the one that cut those stupid strawberries and she didnt wanna clean up her own mess. BS. shank and skank. seriously. and she always eats all of our food and we never have enough.

no way

well early this morning i was gonna wake up for school. of course i didnt wanna wake up but when i finally did i got dressed and got ready for school. then when i was driving to school with my mom, she told me to turn the car around and go back to the house. so i did and on my way back i saw bianca in the car going to school hahah. then we took my dad to work. my mom was already pissed cuz she thought we wouldnt make it in time for the funeral. when we got my dad to work, traffic was heavy on the 10 freeeway. we got lucky on the carpool lane and finally got there.
it was quite sad. not many people were there. i thought many were gonna be there. but of course the main people were there. i drove with my mom in the car to rose hills from china town. it was pretty cool since we just go without stopping and stuff. cuz the cops help lead the way. haha.
i havent been to a funeral since my grandpa's and its agh. so sad. my cuzin kept crying and i almost cried cuz she was crying. i usually cry when others do. but yeah very long day.
right after the funeral was practically over, jadyne finally came :[ she was crying so hard cuz she probably didnt know what was going on. poor girl. :[ i felt bad but i didnt go near her cuz her stupid mother. AGH. shank a skank.
well im sure gonna miss him. even though i was never close to him or anything but still hes family and he'll always be in my heart and im thankful for every little thing he has done for our family. <3
R.I.P Jason Ngo.

dang dont even trip!

well today was alright i suppose. didnt do much except krystal is over and we're just idk what we're doing haha.
knotts this friday woooot. and idk it seems so complicated. like the rides and stuff. and whos going and i guess people have problems with certain people going idk.
i guess its kinda dumb how some people dont like others cuz of certain people. idk i think i should stop that. hah. it would sound hypocritical of me to say that i dont do that.
or better yet when people act a certain way around certain people. it kinda bugs me. why are you gonna change who you are just cuz of that person/people. its dumbb. just be yourself. you dont needa impress others for them to like you. eye deeee kay. but idk long week. but this friday is gonna be funnnn. hopefully.
im not purposely trying to use irvin to get over andrew. idk people think like that idk why its dumb. cuz half the time i cant think of anyone to hang around with and irvin is the first to come in mind since he drives and stuff. and he doesnt bring up anything uncomfortable soo i feel good around him and i dont really need to worry so much about anything. but when i hang around with others its fun but idk we always end up gossiping about others. but with guys its like random things. we dont talk shit about anyone cuz guys dont go along with it.
talking to andrew on the phone is nice. its completely random and idk its just nice.
everything is pretty much okay. but some people are just AGHH. idk whats wrong with them. its getting annoying.

alright lets gooo

ok update! i havent done anything on here for a while cuz i didnt know what to say.
well yesterday was the last day my cuzin was alive. they finally took him off life support but now hes in a better place <3 im sure my uncle is up there watching him.
my grades freakin suck period. i have 2 a's 2 b's and a freakin c+ -_-
i guess i failed my history test but like i still have an A soo im goood. we didnt do much today. he played the guitar for us and hes pretty good.
2nd period bio we did a lab and yeah it sucked cuz we messed up. not even our fault. the solution was messed up.
3rd period pre cal. i have a stupid B in there. cuz of the stupid cornell notes & omg that stupid test is going to bring me down. i HATE math now. i use to like math until stupid pre cal seriously.
4th period english is probably my fav class. miss northrop wasnt in a good mood sorta. she seemed very impatient. idk i guess shes just kinda sadish?
ummm 5th period. i did pretty bad on my spanish test. but compared to others i did goood. i got 9 wrong outta 52 pts possible and yeah thats like a freakin B- . i kept missing like a letter or like i missed an accent or something which sucked.
6th period was super HOT. omgah. i was dying in there. thank God its going to cool down tomorrow so we can cook woot. (:
soo basically nothing much happened.
went to irvin's house yesterday from like 630-11ish
we didnt do much. we were going to watch eagle eye but decided not to. and soo imma go watch it with andrew on sunday (: maybe. heehee ahah.
so basically we watched this one movie with a lot of shooting. idk how to spell it but yeah pretty intense movie. and irvin freakin fell asleep. -_- and he tried to cover it up. ahha what a weenie. but yeah yesterday was cool i guess. then we listened to techno music but i was super tired. hahah came home and took a shower & washed up and freakin knocked out. but it was the best sleep ive had since forever. but i didnt talk to andrew last night and im not gonna talk to him tonight either. soo yep. tonight is homework night for me. gotta finish up my hw and yeeah.

one thing i dont understand is that fact that certain people say that youre theyre close friend and yet they go behind your back and say all this stupid stuff. like cmon can you be anymore 2 faced? -_- idk i dont understand them. i mean as for me i do talk about people like a lot but i go to a certain extent. i dont like the fact that people say things are arent even true or like theyre unsure but they think they know everything so they tell the whole world. idk it gets annoying after a while. especially cuz i have little patience. idk people are starting to annoy me but i just let it go and not say anything. i wish sometimes they can take hints. i mean i suck at it but if its this obvious cmon.

:[

i went to the hospital today and it was so sad.
everyone was crying and stuff. :[
ive never seen my aunts cry like that since my grandpa died which was like 8 years ago.
and his daughter cant even see him cuz of that stupid mother of hers.
agh. its so sad to even think about it.
but i got to see like a lot of my cuzins today and theyre freakin short.
i mean they make me look tall. ahhah crazy.
and yesterday irvin ended up coming over instead of me going over.
and it was pretty weird and funny at the same time. hes super perverted/weird/mean
and now im waiting for andrew to calll.
o man. horrible weekend. :[ it went by too quick.
& now i gotta start on homowork.

not right

its like every since he left me, everything went wrong. i need him. he needs me (:
i know he doess.
hes been stressing like a lot but yet he doesnt want me to help. i misss him.
and now my cuzin.. idk i hope he'll make it once more. but i have a feeling hes gone forever.
i really hope that isnt true.
even though we're not close, i still have that feeling that horrible feeling.
his daughter is the cutest thing ever. and now shes gonna be living life without a father.
shes 5 or 6 years old and dang. thats hard.
its been a rough morning. i hope it gets better through out the day.


ok so nothing got any better. andrew is like blah.
and my cuzin is almost gone. :[
i wanna see him. but idk if my mom will lemme go.
imma go to irvin's house later go and try to take my mind off of everything.
ordered pizza and im getting fat. my goodness. nothing is going right forreals man.

sigh

another week without him. the pain just stays there and doesnt fade. blah.
well its been a hectic week and im glad its finally over.
ap bio is freakin killing me. and im soo sure i bombed the essay portion but idk about the multiple choice. i think i might do ok? hopefully i need an A
& history is super easy. took my test and i havent done my essay yet.
blah. andrew is stressing and i dont like it. im trying to help even though it may not seem like it.
and that little freshman always gives me those "looks" blah. i miss him.
spanish test was easy. for once. i have a B+ now soo imma have like all a's and a D+ -_-
im not going out this weekend. i feel like i need to be home. idk i miss being at home. i love sleeping and i havent gotten much of that lately. andrew needs sleep also. :[

stupid bee

ok so today it was ok. this morning was pretty funny. i brought my ipod and andrew brought his and we were trying to see who can play louder music. of course i won cuz my earphones are so bomb. but yeah. then first period was hella boring. & i gotta do my cornell notes -_-
stupid essay thingy for ap bio tomorrow. im kinda scared & irvin is coming over later to help me study :]
then pre cal was easy. im like done with my hw.
english was funny. miss northrop told stephanie that this senior thinks shes cute and he likes her and she turned red. ahhaha it was pretty funny. i can see that miss northrop was enjoying it. hahah
spanish was ok. didnt do much. pretty easy.
cooking was lame. bianca wasnt there and stuff. soo yeah. then after school this stupid bee tried to attack me like 3 times. and i think it actually stung me on my back. cuz it itches and i can feel a little bump -_-
then andrew was being a jerk and decided to leave me for sectionals. but its ok (:
then right away jade came and ask me if we got back together and i told her nope
and she was like wth you guys were like holding hands. ahah i just smiled and said naw.
but yeah.
things are getting better.
a lot better i suppose. but yeeeeeeah. thats it for now.

supppp

well today was ok. not the best. but it was ok.
aye seems like its going to be a loooong year.
a very long year.
i miss him a lot. hahha.
but yeah what can i doo :[
& then bianca is going to be in 6th period soo imma be bored to DEATH.
ahah. gonna bake on friday.
wooot :]
gonna bake it for andrewwww <3 sorta. haha
krystal toooo i owe herrr.
and knotts scary farm sooon.
yeee. im hungry. blooop.
first period is the worst. puts me to sleep i hate it. i hate history in the morning.
2nd period. ap bio i was actually paying attention. idk im still confused lmao.
3rd. pre cal i hate that class. but she likes me so its ok (:
4th is my fav class. i love miss northrop shes soo coool (: she reminds me of mrs marquez
5th spanish i felt retarded. hahah it was aitee though
6th period was super easy. finished super early. had a deep conversation with bianca. cuz i can do that.

after school. saw andrew. went home. drove. yep. i drove 80 mph on the freeway (:
& i did bad on my self quiz. once again. boo.
& now im waiting for some calls to keep me company. wooop.

o finally

dang. idk i feeeel good.
andrew came over to help me with bio and surprisingly i got some of it. ahha sorta.
things just got a lot better. woot. time to moveeee on.
i can do it noww
well i made a promise soo yeeeeeeah.
idk. school sucked. i was pissed off at some stuff.
and i just realized i got lots of hw to do right now. blah.
but i got boba (: HEEHEEE lmao. [insider]
and now im waiting for a call? sorta hahah.
but it got a lot better thats fersure.

believe me

why cant he fucken believe meeee.
i know its there but hes so hard headed to admit it.
i know it is. i can feeel it and everyone else can see it.
why does he want me to move on. i already told him i cant.
i tried so fucken hard but it hasnt gotten me anywhere.
i cant do it.
ive tired soo hard. i dont know what to doo anymore.
this pain is just AGH. unbearable. just wanna fuckin aghh.

wow.

its amazing to think back to what we had a year ago. so much have changed & now im sitting here reminiscing all those times we've spent together. i cant say that i completely got over you and i know its going to take time. im taking baby steps hoping that someday i wouldnt need to hurt myself thinking about what you said and realizing that it was all a lie.

idk why we still act like we're together. maybe its just a habit. or a routine that we have since its been a whole year now.
you still walk me half way to class and hug me when you see me. i really dont know what i should do.
im trying my best to move on. i cant say im there but i think im close.
it hurts to know that you dont feel the same way but at the same time im relieved that its finally over. i dont need to deal with all those issues where it would be on my mind day and night trying to fix it.
but if i say that i dont miss what we had that would be a lie.
i do miss it. i really do but hey what can i do about it? nothing really.
things come and go. i just teaches me to be smarter next time.
it makes me not wanna be in another relationship again. i just cant imagine how it would be. i really dont want to either.
im not use to this but its getting there.

i REALLY dont know.

i know that every is concern about whats going on with me and stuff.
im glad that the true friends are there for me. i dont mean to make it seem like i really dont appreciate that fact that you actually take the time to try to get me to open up to you and stuff. but i really cant.
i honestly dont know what i want at the moment.
i miss andrew a lot and its very hard to get over him. im taking little baby steps. and if you really cant tell i was much better today. this whole week have been horrible for me. everything i didnt want to happen already happened and i cant do anything about it but to look forward and thats what im trying to do. its difficult to try to be optimistic in a situation like this.
part of me really wants to get back together with him but another half is like idk whats the point? he doesnt even see or feel the same way about me anymore so why bother. but at the same time i do feel like theres something still there.
i can tell he PROBABLY feels the same way. idk. i can actually see why he always told me he didnt know what he wanted either.
its really tough. no lie. i cant imagine what i would be doing to my other friends if they were put in a situation like this. its very confusing and idk.
i want this to be over with. i want everything to go back to normal like how it use to be.
it just hurts me to know that everything that ever happened between us just went down the drain.
i mean its a whole freakin year. a year isnt short either. its just ive been so use to how things were with him. cuz believe it or not even when i do seem like i stress a lot about him, he actually makes everything a lot easier.
like now i feel lost? sorta. not really. i cant help but think that wow this is how its going to be now. i cant adapt that fast to the changes that already happened.
its the 2nd day of the break up and idk we act as if we're still together.
he somewhat walks to me class and hugs me. and idk. everything seems like how it use to be except he doesnt call me anymore.
sometimes i kinda wish there was a restart button. but too bad theres not such thing.
i still love andrew and thats a fact.
i dont care what people think of him but if you got to know him like i did then MAYBE you'll understand.
im trying my best here. and i really dont know what to do anymore but just wait and just go with the flow & hope for the best.

shit

too bad today i felt like shit. right when i got to school i saw him and i tried so hard to not look at him.
but i knew that paul saw me.
when he sat next to me i couldnt help but cry. idk what came over me.
i didnt want to cry. I HATE CRYING but it just all came out.
he didnt do much just said jacky.. are you ok..? and he put his hand on my back and started rubbing it. it was nice but idk. i feeeel like SHIT all fckin day.
its a horrible feeling. i hate it i hate i HATE IT. ! i want it to all go away.
he doesnt seem like he has ANY problem with it at all whatsoever. which made me feel even worse. cuz now im the reason why he was unhappy in the first place.
FUCK IT.

this is the end

so today wasnt that great of a day. we finally broke up. we've been lagging it for like a couple weeks. maybe even a month. i mean part of me is kinda sad about it but at the same time im really relieved.
its hard to believe that we could throw away a year just like nothing. after all those promises that we made each other.
its very hard to believe. i cant believe it myself.
but what has to be done is already done. its going to take some time getting use to it but im sure that everything will go back to normal soon. i dont wanna lose him as a friend. cuz hes a very good friend. and i will consider him as a best friend. well to me at least.
love its difficult. i really dont know it was real love or not maybe just something else. hah. but yeeah.
idk.

once again.

went to the ortho today and it was boring. haha. dang. today is the moon cake festival thingy with all those NASTY moon cakes. boo.
well turns out that i might get my braces off early (:
i might get them off in like 3 months at least. haha
well i can finally seeeee the light. dang. it feels like i havent had braces for that long actually. only like a year? not that bad.

i finished homework early today. i read the book but didnt comprehend anything. hah.
i was super tired & grumpy sorta. idk i feel like im pmsing already. dang. but yeah finally got my sleep & i feeeel great.

house bunny was good. haha i liked it a lot. it was very fun yesterday. eh nothing really special happened.
school tomorrow & yeaaaahhh.

one year (:

soo today is our one year anniversary amazing isnt it?
ahahah
dang good times. cant believe we're still together after all that. :D haha its all good. it makes our relationship even stronger. woot
well today was ok. first period dang history we took forever just doing the OA questions. we we're talking about authority and stuff. idk the teacher is so wack. he has the ac on & the fan! my gosh im like freezing in there.
ap bio was ok. nothing special. just took notes.
3rd period pre cal AGH. i hate the teacher but at the same time i feel very bad for her. she has like joint problems and have to take soo many freakin pills every day. :[ im actually learning stuff now. FINALLY
4th period english. im sure i did ok on that vocab quiz we had today. we had to peer edit and i read irvin's cuz he wanted me to. and like lay corrected it before i did & she made the essay even worse? -_- wow. horrible grammar. not saying that mine is any better. hahah but yeah. idk when i read his essay. i wasnt surprised at all. it was about his familia.

lunch was ok. andrew wasnt there :[ he had this band thingy. blah. but its ok i guess. i didnt get to see him a lot after school either. :[ soo sad

5th period was lame. i did pretty bad on my spanish quiz. 6th period is boring and fun at the same time. me and bianca talk about the stupidest things ever. ahhaha
yep nothing interesting.
just trying to kill time while i wait for andrew's calll! :]
im going to chloe's church thingy tonight along with krystal & jessica.
it should be fun. it was pretty chill last week.
tomorrow imma go watch house bunny. and ANDREW MIGHT GO! <3
haha imma FINALLY use those free movie tickets.
they better work too or else imma shank someone.
YES.

& another thought. if someone said they loved someone else, isnt that almost like cheating? idk i think soo.
well im glad everything is ok right now except my grades. hah gotta work on that. :]

bah

today wasnt the best school day. i called andrew this morning and after we talked for like 5 mins i was very happy & i couldnt wait to go to school. when i got there it wasnt that bad. everything was ok. he hasnt held me like that since.. idk.. for a while. but it felt right. it felt good.
and everything after that was just ugh. the more i thought about what happened last night the more depressed/angry i was. more depressed than angry. i was so close to crying so many times today but i held it in hoping that no one will notice.
but idk everyone knew something was wrong but i didnt say anything.
so passing to 4th period i see andrew. i saw him and i almost cried. but before that i just stood there and wait for him to come to me. he did it was very nice and i just hugged him and he asked me whats wrong i just said oo nothing.. and he said noo really whats wrong? and he looked me in eyes and asked me again i looked away cuz i didnt wanna start crying. but he knew something was up. and i just walked to class.
i walked into class and the first thing taylor ask me is. jacky are you ok? and i said yeah im fine..
but throughout the period i couldnt pay attention. i couldnt pay attention to anything today. idk. but.. when lunch came. it was very quiet.
well i was at least. andrew went to go get lunch & didnt come back for the longest time and when he did come back. he looked at me and he looked very concern but he would mouth the words "are you ok?" and i wouldnt say anything.
jade asked me are you gonna get food and i said noo im not hungry. and shes like why arent you hungry? are you ok? youre sad arent you? and i said no.. and she said lemme see your ring so i showed her and shes like hm.. idk what youre sad. kayleen asked me the same question and wanted me to tell her. but i didnt say a word
the bell rung and andrew was walking with me and he put his arms around me and asked me whats wrong jackyy. i said nothing.. and he said are you sure?
and when he wanted to hug i would just push him away. he looked kinda sad/worried. he kept holding onto my arm and not letting me out of his sight and when we finally got where we usually hug. he told me please go to class. and asked me if i was going to give him a hug.
and i said well do you want a hug? and so he hugged me real tight. and i said how can you say you dont love me when i can feel it? and hes like what? and i said nothing and walked to class.
so when i got to class i text him the same thing i said. and he didnt say anything. well i wasnt surprised anyways cuz its during school. and he has english. its kinda hard to text.
6th period made me feel a lot better. just messing around and talking to bianca made me forget a little about it.
after school came and i saw him. and when we hugged idk. it just made our hugs all that special again. it was very nice. i didnt wanna let go but he had to since he had sectionals.
its hard to believe what he said last night when all his actions point to one thing. and that thing is that he really does love me just as much as he use to.

i guess you can say i was over reacting. idk. school is so UGH. piss off.

bad timing.

everything is blah right now. nothing is going right.
so many freakin problems. just when i thought that everything was going to be alright this happened.
got the rings today. they look super good. & idk. andrew seem very tired & wasnt very talkative.
i felt horrible & i didnt know what to do. so when i saw him smile afterschool idk. i was very happy.
his hugs are amazing and this kid is like stalking us and telling his brother about everything. maaaaaaan. im super scared.
i really dont know whats going to happen. this friday is our one year. so many problems are coming our way & im hoping that we're ready for it.
idk how i can get him to open up to me and tell me how hes feeling. i try really hard. i mean i think i get enough. but idk. i feel horrible. i just wish i can do something to help him feel better.
last night's conversation was very empty and quiet. i felt like everything just went away for a second. until i saw him at school. i showed him the ring and he was just eh about it.
maaaan. im trying really hard to make this work. & i know hes trying also. well at least im hoping. everything was so great last year & all of a sudden. summer came and killed us.
but i know we'll make it. i know we will. as long as he loves me & i love him.
timing is just very bad right now. i hope it gets better...

you fail

so basically im now failing pre cal. i got an F on my first assignment. stupid idiot. i hate that stupid teacher. she should die.
today was an ok day. wasnt that bad.
im like ahead in ap bio. haha. ive done all my reading and stuff. i feel proud. no more procrastinating for me.
but i really miss sophomore year it was so easy. freshmen year was even easier man.
bleh.
soo i might start driving to school by myself depending how well i park cuz i suck at it now.
aww andrew wore jeans today! <3. heeehee.
yep. and imma get tu to wear skinny jeans.
went to the mall yesterday all day for like 6 hrs.
i was very close to mara. aw i miss her. i havent seen her for sucha long time. :[
but yeah. got a new pair of jeans. SKINNY jeans. idk theyre so comfortable hahah.
bleh. school is very time consuming.
got boba today :] wooot.

blah.

so today didnt do much. chloe was suppose to come over but ended up going to carol's. ahha its all good.

spent all day finishing up my homework cuz i dont wanna procrastinate and do it tomorrow.
i went with chloe to her "church" thingy. it was pretty chill. everyone was very nice and welcome me and stuff.
we played 'ball' ahahha funny stuff. i like how when i say my name is jacky chan people dont believe me. her pastor mark said that hes going to get me out the next time i go over there and play ball with them again. ahah funny stuff.

we've only been in school for a freakin week but it feels like a month already. dang.
i got my shot today for hpv. this is like my 3rd shot ouch. & i got another blood test. dang man. sucks. hurts like a alsdjflasdjf.

gonna go window shopping tomorrow. woo how fun. i guess. hahah. im tired. & i havent had enough sleep for like a whole week already. IM DYING. homework is killing me also. i hate biology. i suck at it. ahhahah. dang.
o well im sure i can do it (:

yaaaaay chloe (:

soo today wasnt that bad actually. drove to school all that good stuff.
i went with chloe afterschool to the dmv to take her written test.
sitting there was horrible. kinda reminded me of how nervous i was when i was waiting in line to take the test. -_-
but its ok cuz she PASSED! YAAAY (: & then ashley was there to take her written test also. and she passed! :]

then her mom treated us for some yummy ice cream from rite aid. :]
then her mom invited me for dinner. of course i was trying to be polite and said naw its ok. but yeah i went anyways.
chloe came over and we chilled for a bit. did some homework and yeah. pretty chill day.

ahahha after we were done with dinner. this little kid ran by and just burped outta nowhere. ahhaha funny stuff. freakin azns.

hm.. other than that. i didnt wanna wake up today seriously. but eh. tomorrow is finally friday. this first week of school went by soo slowly. idk. haha im actually feeling confident about biology now since i took my first quiz and missed 4. but like i forgot to add the class so i took it again and missed 1 :]
dang. super good. ahhaha. PWNAGE! AHAH

yep. woot cant wait till the weekend. im hella tired.

eh..

ok today was ok. i guess. but danng cooking class is like a freakin oven! i seriously think we're the ones getting baked and not the food. its like 2038490238490238028 degrees in there!
i didnt want to go to school today. i hate waking up early! errr.

ok. so i drove to school today. not that bad. except today when i went to target i CANNOT park. i suck at it now. eye dee kay. stupid car.

soo yeah nothing special about today. went to winco. got some DR PEPPER! WOOOT. & pizza. and um. yeah.
soo friday we're planning to go that "bridge" that is supposedly haunted and stuff.

bianca said its in chino. it use to be a bridge there [now its broken] and a bus of little kids went across it and the bridge collapsed and killed them. soo now they say that when you park your car there they'll help you push it outta the way. but you gotta put sand or whatever to see the hand prints to prove that theyre pushing you.
chloe thinks its the "magnet" well idk. pretty creepy to think about it.

lunch today. ok soo yesterday i sat with swiper and paige, irena & judy. but today julie was sitting with them. AWKWARD. soo i just left and sat with lay -_-
idk she honestly have problems with me for no apparent reason. i seriously believe that. & then leslie is in my 6th period which is weird also.
idk all these girls that like irvin. soo creepy. its almost like saying how can all these girls like sean pawluk? idk so freakin weird. idk.

i hardly saw andrew today. which sucks so much butt. my precal teacher is so dumb. she doesnt know how to graph seriously. how can she become a precal teacher if she doesnt even get her coordinates right. seriously. eh idk.

junior year sucks already

ok so far junior freakin sucks. homework on the first day already UGH. seriously.
i DONT have any classes with andrew but i have classes with that stupid idiot jiggle jiggle agh.
i have the worse pre cal teacher ever seriously. the whole time she was drawing maps bout her stupid country she was from. WTH we're in math not history.

irvin is in my english class. which is freakin AWKWARD. cuz we hardly talk and then all of sudden we started talking again? eh

i think imma fail ap bio seriously. idk what imma dooooo. i hate reading. agh.

lunch is freakin crowded too! barely got a table. had to sit with swiper.

i hope this year is going to be gooood. or else.